Dear Overachievers and Former Gifted Kids

Burnout isn't just painful; it's devastatingly lonely.

I remember my first experience getting burned out. All aspects of my life came crashing all at once and like waves, it continues endlessly.

I was a young highflyer wearing rose-tinted glasses. Everything seemed to come easy. For problems I needed to solve, I solved. For every time I needed to sacrifice my time, I sacrificed. For every person I needed to impress, I left long-lasting impressions.

I kept my track record good. I teach people as a means to leave something of myself to the people around me. I kept reaching for the golden apple I set my eyes on when I was even younger than then, more ambitious.

My perception of myself aligned with how others saw me - a high achiever. This created a vicious cycle of expectations, both internal and external. With each success, I felt compelled to outdo myself, and the expectations only grew larger.

Yet, beneath this facade of achievement, a nagging voice persisted - I felt like a fraud. Despite the achievements and recognition, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just above average, certainly no genius. This imposter syndrome only fueled my drive to work harder, to prove to myself and others that I deserved my place, creating a self-perpetuating cycle of burnout and self-doubt.

With that comes the struggle. Looking back, it doesn’t even make sense to go through it. During interviews, I’d always act cocky. Sometimes they would ask, how do you learn and grow? I’d say while smiling “through trials of fire”. Sounds like what an idiot would say and do and that exact idiot went out and did it anyway.

Then, as I grappled with the burnout that had started to consume me, I stumbled upon Simon Sinek's book, 'Start with Why'. His exploration of the deep reasoning behind people's motivations resonated with me. It prompted me to turn his methods inward, questioning the 'why' behind every major decision I'd made in my career.

Why did I push myself too hard?

Why was I focused on one part of my life and discarded the rest?

Why did I gamble my career, choosing the one with the least safety net?

In the morning, I tried to hit deadlines at my day job. At night, I’m either researching or trying to hit even more deadlines. When I had the time to rest, eat, or even before I sleep, I’d always consumed knowledge and tried to play keep up against real geniuses.

Like I said, it didn’t make any sense at all. I know and believe that if I take it a little easier, a little slower, I will reach the same destination as where I wanted to be. I wouldn’t have to struggle as much and be as burned out as much. I would’ve been spared a lot of pain.

If you get one percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done.
- James Clear

I had a conversation before with a therapist, and I talked a lot about what I want to do and achieve. I was asked this: What kind of person do you want to be?

I was confused, at first, as I just went to a long rant about what I wanted to do. There was a short quiet pause before it actually hit me. I’ve been so busy with all the things around me that I never catch a breath to actually think — what kind of a person do I want to be?

Then and there, I felt like she pulled me out of my tunnel vision and made me truly look inside. I instantly remembered a colleague of mine, a project manager who’d always seem so calm even in the face of obstacles and pressures from all sides. I answered — I want to be that kind of person. She replied — people can only walk on the path of self-growth when there is a clear goal, so now you have found your primary goal, above any other, to be calm and peaceful.

Throwing myself in a trial of fire would only burn me alive. Disrespecting my own personal time in pursuing greed, would only discard the things that matter. Shortening my rest at night would only shorten my life. Attempts to reach expectations to gain external validation would only mean losing my identity.

This realization marked a turning point in my approach to work and life. I began to see that my burnout wasn't just a personal failure, but a symptom of a deeper imbalance. No longer did I want to blindly meet others' expectations. Instead, I chose to live authentically, for myself. Now, when I feel the early signs of burnout creeping in, I don't push harder. I step back. I fill my soul with art, nature, and the simple joys the world has to offer. And if that's not enough, I give myself permission to rest and dream. This approach not only staves off burnout but also makes me more effective and fulfilled in my work.

As I live my life more authentically, I feel less and less like a fraud. I've somewhat understood now, what work-life balance means. It is an act to disassociate each of my multiple identities to where they actually belong. At work, I'm just another programmer churning out lines of code and collaborating with others. At home, I have a duty to myself, to my household, and to my passion whatever it may be for the day. As a dreamer, I write and express through words, allowing my mind to wander beyond the confines of logic and structure that dominate my day job. This creative outlet, once a 'waste of time' in my burnout-driven mind, now fuels my problem-solving skills in unexpected ways. As a builder, I read, target, experiment, and execute, applying the same methodical approach to personal projects that once consumed my professional life. But now, failure doesn't sting as it used to - it's just another data point, another lesson learned. This clear separation made it easier to breathe, to exist without the constant pressure of expectations - both my own and others

Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.- US Navy Seals, apparently

It's not always easy, mind you. There are days when the lines blur, when work creeps into personal time, or when I catch myself falling into old patterns of overachievement. But now, I have the tools and awareness to recognize these moments. I can step back, take a breath, and realign myself. It's a continuous process, this journey of authentic living and balance. But it's one that's infinitely more fulfilling than the burnout-inducing rat race I was caught in before. And you know what? I'm a better programmer, a better colleague, and a better person for it. The irony isn't lost on me - by doing less, I've become more.

This journey of self-discovery comes with a price: the need to confront uncomfortable truths about who I am and why. It's like debugging an obscure library with no documentation - except the code is yourself. You dig deep, ask hard questions, and relentlessly call out your own bullshit. It's challenging, but the payoff - a more balanced, authentic life - is worth every bit of effort.

.

..

...

..

.

I leave some space here for you, my dear readers, so that you can see your own reflection between these words and to consider, a moment of self-reflection – if you're on dark mode that is.